These are my Bible study notes on the topic of our use of words. It is based largely in the book of Proverbs, the words of Jesus and the New Testament epistles.

Importance of Words

Matthew 5:22 Danger of judgement due to our words.
Matthew 5:36-37 We will be judged by our words, even "idle" words.
Matthew 15:17-20 Jesus talking about Jews' ceremonial washings: things which come out of our mouth defile us, because they come from the heart. Evil thoughts, murders...
James 3:1‑12 is all about the tongue.

Words Arise From Innermost Thoughts

Matthew 12:33‑37 Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
Matthew 15:17-20 Jesus talking about Jews' ceremonial washings: things which come out of our mouth defile us, because they come from the heart. Evil thoughts, murders...

Let Words be True

Exodus 20:16 Ninth Commandment: Do not bear false witness.
Exodus 23:1 Don't be a false witness or circulate a false report.
Leviticus 19:11 Don't lie.
Deuteronomy 19:15-21 Laws about false witnesses.
Proverbs 6:16-19 "A false witness who speaks lies" is one of seven things the Lord hates.
Proverbs 12:17-22 Truth is righteousness. False witness is deceit. Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord; those who deal truthfully are His delight.
Proverbs 13:5 A righteous man hates lying.
Proverbs 14:5,25 A faithful witness does not lie. A true witness "delivers souls".
Ephesians 4:15 ...speaking the truth in love...

Let Words be Good

Proverbs 10:11 The mouth of the righteous is a well of life.
Proverbs 12:18 There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, But the tongue of the wise promotes health.
Proverbs 13:17 A wicked man falls into trouble, But a faithful ambassador brings health.
Proverbs 15:4 A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, But perverseness in it breaks the spirit.
Proverbs 15:23 A man has joy by the answer of his mouth, And a word spoken in due season, how good it is!
Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue.
Proverbs 24:26 He who gives a right answer kisses the lips.
Proverbs 25:11‑13 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold In settings of silver.
Isaiah 50:4 "The Lord God has given Me The tongue of the learned, That I should know how to speak A word in season to him who is weary...
Ephesians 4:29,31 Wholesome words not "corrupt" words.
Colossians 3:8 In the list of behaviours to put off, is included "filthy language".
Colossians 4:6 Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.

Bad Words Cause Strife

Proverbs 16:27-28
Proverbs 17:4
Proverbs 18:6-8
Proverbs 25:23 a "backbiting tongue"; a gossiping tongue.
Proverbs 26:20-22

Let Words be Wise

Proverbs 10:20‑21 The tongue of the righteous is choice silver; The heart of the wicked is worth little. The lips of the righteous feed many, But fools die for lack of wisdom.
Proverbs 10:31-32 The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom, But the perverse tongue will be cut out.
Proverbs 15:7 The lips of the wise disperse knowledge, But the heart of the fool does not do so.
Proverbs 16:23‑24 The heart of the wise teaches his mouth; Pleasant words are like a honeycomb.
Proverbs 18:4; 20:5 The words of a man’s mouth are deep waters.

Let Words be Carefully Chosen

Proverbs 12:13 The wicked is ensnared by the transgression of his lips...
Proverbs 13:3 He who guards his mouth preserves his life, But he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction.
Proverbs 15:2 The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, But the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness.
Proverbs 15:28 The heart of the righteous studies how to answer, But the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil.
Proverbs 16:23 The heart of the wise teaches his mouth, And adds learning to his lips.
Proverbs 17:7 Excellent speech is not becoming to a fool, Much less lying lips to a prince.
Proverbs 21:23 Whoever guards his mouth and tongue Keeps his soul from troubles.
Ecclesiastes 10:12-14 The words of a wise man's mouth are gracious, But the lips of a fool shall swallow him up; The words of his mouth begin with foolishness, And the end of his talk is raving madness. A fool also multiplies words. No man knows what is to be; Who can tell him what will be after him?
James 1:26 Bridle your tongue.

Let Words be Gentle

Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 25:15 By long forbearance a ruler is persuaded, And a gentle tongue breaks a bone.
Ecclesiastes 10:4 If the spirit of the ruler rises against you, Do not leave your post.
1 Samuel 25:21‑33 Abigail turned away the wrath of David.

Let Words be Few

Proverbs 10:19 In the multitude of words sin is not lacking…
Proverbs 15:2 the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness.
Proverbs 17:27-28 He who has knowledge spares his words.
Ecclesiastes 5:2-3 Don't be rash or hasty.
James 1:19 Swift to hear, slow to speak…

But in contrast, also consider Proverbs 24:7. Sometimes it would be wrong to keep silent.

Don't Waste Words on a Fool Who Won't Listen

Proverbs 9:8-9
Proverbs 15:12
Proverbs 18:2
Proverbs 23:9

However, this doesn't mean we're free of any obligation to try to counsel a foolish person. Consider Proverbs 24:11-12.

Listen

This is closely related to the above, "let your words be few".

Proverbs 1:1-7 Intro to the book of Proverbs.
Proverbs 9:8-9 A wise person listens to rebuke and instruction.
Proverbs 10:8 The wise in heart will receive commands.
Proverbs 15:12 A scoffer doesn't appreciate correction, or seek wisdom.
Proverbs 18:2 A fool has no delight in understanding, But in expressing his own heart.
Proverbs 18:15
Proverbs 19:20,27
Proverbs 23:9 A fool despises wisdom.
Proverbs 23:22 Listen to parents.
Proverbs 25:12 Like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold Is a wise rebuker to an obedient ear.
Ecclesiastes 5:1-3 Draw near the house of God to hear, rather than speak foolishly.
James 1:19‑20 Swift to hear, slow to speak…

Listen Only to the Wise

Proverbs 12:26 Choose friends carefully.
Proverbs 13:20 He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed.
Proverbs 14:7 Go from the presence of a foolish man, When you do not perceive in him the lips of knowledge.
Proverbs 15:7 The lips of the wise disperse knowledge, But the heart of the fool does not do so.

Listen to Advice from Parents

Proverbs 1:8-9; 3:1; 6:20-22; 7:1
Proverbs 4:1-4 Hear, my children, the instruction of a father, And give attention to know understanding; For I give you good doctrine: Do not forsake my law. When I was my father's son, Tender and the only one in the sight of my mother, He also taught me, and said to me: “Let your heart retain my words; Keep my commands, and live...”
Proverbs 5:1-2 My son, pay attention to my wisdom; Lend your ear to my understanding, That you may preserve discretion, And your lips may keep knowledge.
Proverbs 13:1 A wise son heeds his father's instruction, But a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.
Proverbs 15:5 A fool despises his father's instruction, But he who receives correction is prudent.
Proverbs 23:22-25 Listen to your father who begot you, And do not despise your mother when she is old.

Good Advice from Older People

Leviticus 19:32 Respect seniors in general.
1 Kings 12:6-16 Example of Rehoboam.
Job 8:8-10; 12:12; 15:9-10; 32:7 But, older is not always wiser: Job 32:9
Proverbs 16:31 The silver-haired head is a crown of glory, If it is found in the way of righteousness.
Proverbs 19:20 Listen to counsel and receive instruction, That you may be wise in your latter days.

Seek Wise Counsel

Proverbs 1:5 A wise man will hear and increase learning, And a man of understanding will attain wise counsel,
Proverbs 9:9 Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; Teach a just man, and he will increase in learning.
Proverbs 12:15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But he who heeds counsel is wise.
Proverbs 13:10 By pride comes nothing but strife, But with the well-advised is wisdom.
Proverbs 19:20 Listen to counsel and receive instruction, That you may be wise in your latter days.
Proverbs 20:5 Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water, But a man of understanding will draw it out.
Proverbs 20:18 Plans are established by counsel; By wise counsel wage war.
Proverbs 27:9 Ointment and perfume delight the heart, And the sweetness of a man's friend gives delight by hearty counsel.

Multitude of Counsel

Proverbs 11:14 Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.
Proverbs 15:22 Without counsel, plans go awry, But in the multitude of counselors they are established.
Proverbs 24:6 For by wise counsel you will wage your own war, And in a multitude of counselors there is safety.

Listen With Critical Thinking Engaged

Deuteronomy 19:15
Proverbs 14:15
Proverbs 18:13
Proverbs 18:17
Acts 17:10-12 Like the Bereans.
1 Thessalonians 5:21 Test all things.
1 Timothy 5:19 Multiple witnesses required to establish a matter, especially in judgement against people.

Accept Rebuke

Proverbs 9:8-9 Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you; Rebuke a wise man, and he will love you. Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; Teach a just man, and he will increase in learning.
Proverbs 13:1 A wise son heeds his father's instruction, But a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.
Proverbs 13:18 Poverty and shame will come to him who disdains correction, But he who regards a rebuke will be honored.
Proverbs 15:5 A fool despises his father's instruction, But he who receives correction is prudent.
Proverbs 15:31-33 Someone who hears rebuke will become wise. He who disdains instruction despises his own soul. Fearing God and having humility leads to wisdom and honour.
Proverbs 16:22 the correction of fools is folly.
Proverbs 17:10 Rebuke is more effective for a wise man Than a hundred blows on a fool.
Proverbs 19:25 Rebuke one who has understanding, and he will discern knowledge.
Proverbs 25:12 Like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold Is a wise rebuker to an obedient ear.
Proverbs 27:5-6 Open rebuke is better Than love carefully concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
Proverbs 29:1
Eccl 7:5-6 It is better to hear the rebuke of the wise Than for a man to hear the song of fools. For like the crackling of thorns under a pot, So is the laughter of the fool. This also is vanity.

Exhortation, Encouragement, Edification

Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend (however this seems to be more about encouragement than wisdom).
Romans 14:19 Edification.
Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.
Colossians 3:16 Teaching and admonishing one another.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 Comfort and edify one another.
1 Timothy 4:2 Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all long-suffering and teaching.
Hebrews 10:24-25 Don't forsake gathering together. Exhort one another.

Rebuke Constructively

Leviticus 19:17-18 Don't hate your brother. Rebuke him.
Proverbs 9:8-9 Rebuke a wise man, and he will love you.
Proverbs 25:8-10 Work things out discreetly if at all possible, and not in public (eg not in court). Like "go to your brother" principle in Matthew 18:15.
Proverbs 25:12 Like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold Is a wise rebuker to an obedient ear.
Proverbs 27:5-6 Open rebuke is better than love concealed; faithful are the wounds of a friend, while the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
Luke 17:1-4 Offences will come, but they're serious. Don't offend little ones. But if you're offended, rebuke your brother, and be willing to forgive many times (seven times in one day).
1 Timothy 4:2 Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all long-suffering and teaching.

"Radical candour" by Kim Scott. Consider axes of "challenge" (horizontal) and "care" (vertical). In other words, an axis of challenge vs do nothing, along with an axis of love vs hate. The other important principle is, challenge the person directly rather than talking about them to other people. Scary to do, but necessary.

• Top right: radical candour
• Bottom right: obnoxious aggression (rebuke/challenge but not out of love/care)
• Bottom left: manipulative insincerity (uncaring, silent)
• Top right: Ruinous empathy (caring, but unwilling to say anything)

Gossip

Leviticus 19:16 Don't be a talebearer.
Proverbs 16:27-28 An ungodly man digs up evil, And it is on his lips like a burning fire. A perverse man sows strife, And a whisperer separates the best of friends.
Proverbs 17:9 He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends. "Cover" an offence, don't spread it.
Proverbs 18:8 Gossip is like tasty morsels, but it goes right into our hearts.
Proverbs 20:19
Proverbs 25:23 a "backbiting tongue"; a gossiping tongue.
Proverbs 26:20-22 Gossip kindles the fire of strife.
Ecclesiastes 10:20 Do not curse the king, even in your thought.
Titus 3:2 Speak evil of no one.
James 4:11-12 Don't judge, or speak evil, of a brother. Gossip is related to judging.
James 5:9 Don't grumble against one another, lest you be condemned.

Flattery

Flattery is insincere use of words.

Proverbs 26:24-26

Examples of Conflict Resolution

Genesis 26 Isaac and Abimelech.
Genesis 31 Jacob and Laban.
Genesis 33 Jacob and Esau.
1 Samuel 24 David spares Saul.
1 Samuel 25 Abigail and David.
1 Samuel 26 David spares Saul again.
Acts 15 Resolving the circumcision issue.
Philemon 1 Paul urges Philemon to resolve conflict with Onesimus.

Words Between Us and God — Prayer

Talk to God.
Philippians 4:6 Continually seek God for guidance on life and righteousness.

Words to Ourselves

Honest internal conversations, thoughts.
Is self-talk helpful or harmful?
See "Words Arise From Innermost Thoughts" above.

Words with the Devil

Revelation 12:10 Satan is the "accuser of our brethren". He does his best to inject conflict, anger, destructive thoughts.