The Trick With Stapling Your Thumb

One day I found the stapler was empty. I had the bright idea of showing my very young brother Paul how I could staple my thumb. He was impressed. He tried it himself, a day later, after it had been reloaded with staples. I got in trouble, naturally, for not adequately thinking through the natural consequences of showing this trick to my little brother.

Penny Wants Privacy

When Penny was in her early years of primary school, her custom was to dress in the lounge room. Before commencing the ritual of dressing, she would sit in the lounge room, naked, often for quite a while. She was at an age where she didn’t mind being in this state with other family members around. However, when it came time for her to get dressed, she demanded that everyone leave so she could get dressed “in private”.

Penny Wants More Privacy

On the other hand, Penny had the nasty habit of walking into her room, which Kim and Penny shared, with no regard to the closed door and the possibility of Kim being “indecent” inside. Kim on numerous occasions attempted to get Penny to knock before barging in, to no avail. But one day, Kim idly wandered into their bedroom, where the door was wide open.

Suddenly there was a protestation from the lounge room. “Kim!” said Penny.

“What?” asked Kim.

“You didn’t knock!” Penny admonished.

Dad Doesn’t Quite Understand

When Dad discovered he had high cholesterol, he got some cod liver oil capsules. He failed, however, to take advantage of the fact that they were capsules, and would thus save him having to taste the awful stuff. He would pierce them and squirt the contents onto his food at dinner.

Penny, Mum and Dad were watching a movie one evening. At some stage in the movie, one of the characters said a line with some sort of sexual innuendo. Penny must have reacted, and Mum rolled her eyes. But Dad must have figured he missed something— “What was that…?”

“Don’t worry about it, Dad…” Penny said.

Paul Doesn’t Either

Paul thought one of the bones in the arm was known as the “hilarious”.

Or Penny Either

Penny said once in a mealtime prayer, “please help the man with zucchini.” In fact, the man had leukemia.

Our family was discussing a news item about guerrillas attacking someone. Penny said with awe, “Do they train them to do that?”

Exercise Your Right to Vote

When Australia’s “monarchy versus republic” referendum happened, Kim and Paul were once again disgusted that the country deems voting compulsory. In an act of non-violent protest, they trotted down to the voting booth in their pyjamas, accompanied with mugs of cocoa.